thank you campaign

3/3...

2012-01-20T22:34:00.000-05:00

...lives here. End transmission. For the moment.

2 of 3

2012-01-20T22:33:00.000-05:00

Really it's a rework, but it feels new. Here.

it begins

2012-01-20T10:33:00.001-05:00

(new track!)

Maybe new tracks today...

2012-01-20T08:51:00.002-05:00

...if I can get it together. I have three. And "new" is not the most appropriate way to refer to them. One is a revision of something I did a year ago. One is a kind of rescue of material from almost 10 years ago! And one is actually new.

So three things, coming soon. Watch for them here and on facebook and twitter and soundcloud and, of course, my website will have them under "sounds" once I commit fully to some other site revisions.

It's fun to proceed as though there's an adoring public that cares what one is doing. Okay, that sounded really whiny. It was meant as a joke. Get off my back.

Jan 11 Show

2012-01-09T22:58:00.003-05:00

I'm happy to announce, albeit in very, very late fashion, that I'm playing on the wonderful Mixer reading and music series, curated by Melissa Febos and Rebecca Keith, at Cakeshop on Wednesday, January 11. I'm technically the musical guest, but the piece I'm doing is as much literature as music, so ha ha on them.

Cakeshop is at 152 Ludlow on Manhattan's Lower East Side, and kickoff is at 7, done by 9. Blake Nelson, Josh Cody, and Amy Gall will be reading.

You should come!

B A B Y B O T !

2011-11-30T22:50:00.001-05:00

December 2 show!

2011-11-22T09:07:00.004-05:00

This is the fancy flyer for my Dec 2 show at Westbeth. I'm performing a big piece called The Exchange, along with, possibly, a new little tune if I can squeeze five more minutes out of the powers that be. The Exchange is as much a literary effort as a musical one, and really gets at the direction I've been going in my work over the past few years, combining original prose with novel ways to bring it out in a musical context. The new little tune, on the other hand, is wordless and features my Roland RS-09, sampled, along with B E A T S. I'll perform both pieces on a new setup: keys, sampler, laptop. It's the most streamlined instrument I've yet performed on and, ironically, I'll be transporting it to the gig in the biggest car I've ever owned. I hope to see you there!

-A

New York Shows!

2011-11-19T10:52:00.002-05:00

There are TWO of them coming up. Once in December, one in January. More info soon!

The dates:

Dec 2

Jan 11

And maybe more!

Hope to see you!

Okay!

Why I/am am/I doing this...

2011-08-11T12:51:00.002-04:00

...is the question/answer, not necessarily in that order.

I like blogging. I like checking stats and seeing that 11 people viewed my blog yesterday and some of them are in places I've never been. I like feeling like I'm in some kind of equilibrium, that writing is interlocked with reading, playing with listening. So to that end, I'm going to try and come here a little more often, and also try to mute the voice that asks what the point of it might be.

Seattle is beautiful this time of year. I've been wearing a hoodie, which feels like some kind of moral victory. Going to see High on Fire this weekend. My first metal show. The guitarist is, according to a reliable source, a 'riff meister.' So that bodes well.

And crossing things off of the list, seemingly at a greater rate than I am adding things to the list. Another low-grade moral victory. Reading Dave Hickey, as I mentioned earlier, and wondering about the impossibility of subject positioning inside the work, about the way one can be sealed off from something, forced into voyeurism. And thinking that maybe that's a way to think about something like, say, The Exchange. In some way it asks the audience to see too much, unnerves them with the intimacy of the reveal. I'm not sure I intended to do that, though. Something to think about. As is how to integrate writing and music-ing. To the point that it doesn't feel like I'm integrating anything, just doing.

Salem, and...

2011-08-08T23:17:00.003-04:00

Is it a problem that I've been listening to "King Night" over and over?

What else? Spending time with searchers/seekers. It's good for the soul. And training myself to read again. Long story. Starting with The Invisible Dragon. It's heavy. Maybe not the right place to start, but I needed to stop thinking about it and start doing it. That's the moral of most stories, in any event.

I want to take some new things in before I get back to work. Even just a few new tastes could catapult a resonant response. But ideally something(s) would capture my attention and I would lose myself. And then the daily practice would begin, or would already have begun. Or something.

Polybot

2011-07-31T20:41:00.000-04:00

An unholy racket. Consider yourselves warned.

bang boom,

Problems of Abundance

2011-04-11T09:10:00.001-04:00

is the name of my new song. Here is the pretty waveform:

Problems of Abundance by Andrea Mazzariello

Thanks for reading/listening,

S O W E I R D

2011-04-10T08:56:00.001-04:00

70 blog views at 1 in the morning? What is happening? Can someone explain this to me? Who are you people? Welcome to Thank You Campaign.

Why so many hits?

2011-04-06T10:21:00.002-04:00

I am tracking my blog stats and there was this spike (for me a spike is more than 15 hits) at around 9AM. Can someone explain this to me? Is it The Good Love? It must be...Maybe it will go V I R A L. Speaking of, why did those one man band videos not go viral? Come on, that's better than...well, I'm not sure. Maybe it's not 'better' than anything per se, maybe it's just extra weird?

Old video. Check it out if you're one of the people responsible for spiking my stats:

And more hours go by during which I make tracks and embed things instead of working on my dissertation. Alas.

Another one..

2011-04-05T11:32:00.000-04:00

Here's a slightly less old song:

the dark land by Andrea Mazzariello

I've been waiting for rain to post this one. It's a way to circumvent getting depressed about the weather...

Realization

2011-04-04T10:44:00.002-04:00

It's occurred to me that with all of this insane social media at my disposal I could just make tracks in the apartment and send them out into the world and, so long as I have a paycheck coming in from teaching something, I'll be happy as a clam. I know, it's a really obvious thing to realize, but it feels like a kind of resolution of all the tension about "making it" that sometimes gets inside my head. Of course I want things to go viral so I become some kind of Internet superstar, but I think there's a sort of incremental method to employ outside of that best (or is it worst?) case scenario. I am thinking of the scupltor-husband in the video we watched in childbirthing class, patiently doing his thing in the garden. Okay, NO ONE will get that reference. But picture a long-haired man in sandals somewhere in Mexico cracking rocks. Is that helpful? Likely it's not.

In any event, I am putting tracks up. As soon as the rain starts I will post a new one. And then I'm really going to have to make something new...

I hope all is well with you.

This is a test

2011-04-03T10:37:00.001-04:00

to see if SoundCloud embeds nicely.

Here's a song for a sunny day. It's kind of old. But new things are coming soon...

majestic synthpop by Andrea Mazzariello

The Universal, Existential Sigh

2011-03-29T14:58:00.003-04:00

The mission across town to grab a copy of Radiohead's free newspaper, The Universal Sigh, was "successful." By which I mean I have a copy in my possession. But the process pretty much destroyed my faith in humanity. Also, I am given to exaggeration.

The scene: the interactive map says 4 Union Square East, but the address on the website says 4 Union Square South. I decide to wait at USS, along with a few others. We find out that we're in the wrong place, rush over to USE, and take our place in line. Finally we're within striking distance of the handout point. I am three away. There are three papers left in the nice girl's hand. I am going to get the last one! But the guy behind me realizes he might be out of luck and rushes ahead of me and snags the last copy.

Of course there are tons more in her messenger bag, and I get a copy in another moment. The damage, though, is done. Someone connect this to income inequality or tax breaks or that sort of thing; I'm too demoralized and not up to the task.

Back down the rabbit hole

2011-03-29T10:21:00.002-04:00

Until the diss is done. I'll probably come up for air to say little things here or on twitter. Maybe even a Facebook status update. But it will be nothing close to the sort of internet saturation that's been going on lately...I blame excitement over the big piece and the desire to get it out into the world. Plans in the works for that, but nothing gets launched until after the diss is DONE. Right-o.

OH! And, also,

2011-03-26T14:31:00.001-04:00

The Exchange is viewable on vimeo: click here!

Thanks to everyone who's watched.

The Exchange

2011-03-24T14:54:00.003-04:00

is the name of my dissertation composition. You can watch/listen to it here. Thanks!

halfway, so to speak

2011-03-23T19:02:00.002-04:00

By which I mean that 'half' of my dissertation has been presented, in the form of a piece that I performed last night at Princeton. Audio is coming. Stay tuned.

In related news, I'm trying to decide what to do next. After the other 'half' of the dissertation, of course. What sort of thing to make. Storytelling with beats? I like the crazy DJ robot description. Is DJ Robot taken? It must be. Googled it and there's quite a lot. So that alias is out of the question. Still, the image is nice. Thank you Mark Dancigers. Remember when we were lions? Roar.

'progress'

2011-03-19T15:16:00.003-04:00

I bought a teapot and started an online running log. In that order, over the course of a couple of weeks. Generally in a self-congratulatory mood about the whole thing.

Big performance on Tuesday night (3.22) in Princeton. I'm getting ready, poco a poco. And pressing tofu, and finally listening to the Terror Danjah that C brought me back from London.

It seemed important to note these things. I'm not sure exactly why. Maybe because when one has forward momentum one tries hard not to break it, and suppressing the desire to write about something or otherwise mark an occasion will surely end badly. So here I am marking the occasion. A teapot and 1.81 miles.

More dreams about waiting tables

2011-02-22T09:38:00.002-05:00

This only happens when I'm particularly taxed. I was back at Mediterrano, trying to get some tables their drinks and I just couldn't work the positouch screens. I think my server number was 042. This could have been an invention of the dream, but it could have been the unlocking of suppressed memory. I prefer the latter. Someone at one of my tables ordered six martinis for himself. His table then walked out because I couldn't deliver said six martinis in time. I think I tried to convince him to have two triple martinis. Not that we had big enough glasses for this sort of thing. Maybe a highball glass? A water glass? There are ways to make it happen.

Serendipity yesterday: I ran into T on the train and he had lots to say about a project I've been struggling with and he knocked some things loose in the brain so now I'm feeling much clearer and more settled about the whole thing. I'm going to make note of instances of serendipity in my life, here on this very blog, so stay tuned.

Now what? I have a date with the litter box, that's one thing. By which I mean I have to change the cat litter, just to clarify, it wasn't some clever way of saying I have to go to the bathroom. The WC. Il backhouse.

It would be cool to give "il backhouse" the last word. Il backhouse.

The daily ritual continues

2011-02-21T13:04:00.002-05:00

First 750 words, then a blog post. I've been going strong for awhile, but the pointlessness of coming here and blathering on sometimes gets under my skin. Mostly, though, I am okay with it. I do wonder if search committees are Googling me and reading. Hello there.

Time to dissertate. My arbitrary draft completion deadline is next Tuesday. It's going to be a haul. Better to start now, eh?

Big week coming...

2011-02-20T10:02:00.002-05:00

...two interviews and tons of work. Did I write here yet about STANDING UP at the setup instead of sitting down? It's so rad. More...I don't know, dramatic. And fun to play. I'll explain this in detail at some point, but suffice it to say that there has been a major innovation with respect to playing the new instrument. I could see it lasting awhile. It's finally a small, portable, simple setup that I can practice on in an apartment. I've been trying to get here for a long time, and now maybe I am close. Yes.

Happy Sunday, all. It's C's shower today!

Just to say I blogged

2011-02-19T10:40:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure why it's important to me to come here every day, but it is. So here I am. BUT...there is so much to do! So I will just say a quick hello, recommend that you download T H E K I N G O F L I M B S, and be on my way.

T H A N K Y O U

2011-02-18T10:47:00.001-05:00

R A D I O H E A D for releasing T H E K I N G O F L I M B S a day earlier than advertised. It's loaded and ready for the train ride home. There goes my usual writing time from the junction to around secaucus. But we are making a special exception. Granting a dispensation. Even though I have less than two weeks to make this draft happen. Alas. What am I going to call my job talk? "Re-Wiring the Body" and then a colon and then something else. It's settled. Almost.

Milestone!

2011-02-17T10:26:00.002-05:00

My last job application for this cycle is about to hit the mail. Of course it's due tomorrow. That's my style, yo. This feels like a major milestone. What is that, 23 or something? Hold please, I will count. 22. 22! That is madness. My hit rate is pretty low, all things considered. But next time I will actually hold the degree, so look out! Pretty soon we'll know what we're doing next year. Full details will be disclosed in time.

Babybot

2011-02-16T10:15:00.002-05:00

is being born. Potentially. Tabletop percussion quartet. If they'll have me...

What else? Not much time to spend here, which is why the sentences are incomplete. I have to get on a train pretty soon, and miles to go before I board. I think I will fire up the instrument and play a bit. The piece is being born, but there are, again, miles to go. At least I worked a one-man-bandy part into the thing. That will be fun. I rather like that whole section, the beat being predicted in little points before really dropping and THEN the right hand sampler left hand keyboard thing. It's different than the way I used to set it up, the hands are reversed for some reason. I was always feeling this piece on the other side. Profound.

That is all for now. I'll blog more tomorrow when I'm not up against it in terms of time.

Ciao babies.

Another of the same

2011-02-15T10:19:00.002-05:00

I just wrote 750 words listing off the things I have to do, the worries about next year. I wonder if I say exactly the same thing every morning, which means I probably *think* the same thing every morning, which makes me insufferable and boring. Even though everything is changing, even though the ground is shifting, one can still feel stuck. Stuck in the same old thought patterns, the same old habit of overcommitting. I would like to transform.

Sorry to be all, you know, heavy.

Exciting...

2011-02-14T08:25:00.003-05:00

...that Radiohead announced their new album. I found out on Facebook, which has thereby served its purpose. Go here to get it! The Radiohead album, not Facebook. You know how to get Facebook, right? You don't need me linking you to it.

Also, it's Mr P's birthday. He is 17, which is a ripe old age for a CRF cat. (Chronic Renal Failure.) The doctor says his kidneys may be regenerating, though! It's a direct result of unconditional love.

Speaking of love, happy Valentine's Day. I went on a flower run this morning, combined that with chocolate bonbon things and a nice card that says "hey hot stuff" and has embroidery and whatnot. We are celebrating this joyous day by going to Princeton and meeting with students all day before teaching the night class. We=I. C is staying in New York. Romantic, no?

Alright, time to get moving. This will be day 3 of the rotation if I can pull it off...wish me luck.

The Rotation

2011-02-13T11:47:00.002-05:00

is the key to getting things done. For example, 1.5 hours on the prose, 1 hour on a student paper, 1.5 hours on the composition, 1 more hour on a student paper. Then it's a free-for-all. It worked yesterday. I can't remember last having felt like I'd done the things I'd needed to do in a day. So I'm trying for another rotation day. 12-130, prose. 130-230, student paper. 230-4, composition. 4-5, student paper. 5-L, whatever. Maybe yet another paper? Also, the times may shift around based on lunch. Which will likely be smuggled French cheese and legitimately-obtained American baguette. And salad. In case you were wondering.

Today the dissertation will grow. A lot. I am off to make it happen.

Yours in solidarity, or whatever,

Think on the page...

2011-02-12T10:44:00.001-05:00

That's the mantra for today, as I realize that in discrete moments of my dissertation "argument" I don't know exactly how it's going to turn out. In other words, there's more *thinking* to be done. But I think while I write, so that's mostly good. Good because I will generate content while doing the requisite thinking, bad because I don't yet know what I'm going to say, which is a little scary and nerve-wracking.

It may be that I'm already too late, but I am proceeding as though that isn't true, and a draft is going out by March 1. I changed the date on the cover page to Mar 1, 2011. So it's official, I will have it by then. Hell or high water.

I had thirty something views the other day. Then yesterday I had 5. I guess I'm not closing the deal...

Plagued again by strange dreams,

2011-02-11T10:22:00.001-05:00

this time related to entering the house in which I grew up through a nonexistent entrance through the Danbury Mall, though I had no keys or wallet or phone. Also I was sparring with the owner of the first restaurant I worked at in Ann Arbor. All of this is to say that I am fully FREAKED OUT about getting my dissertation finished. Because it looks like I will have something good to do next year, and this unspecified something good requires me to have a PhD. So I'm working on that. Busy little bee.

Us and Them

2011-02-10T09:38:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure how this happened, but my usual obsession with myself on 750words (and elsewhere) has apparently given way to an obsession with "Us" and "Them." Which could mean that I'm getting nicer, or could mean that I'm getting paranoid. I should explain: after you write said 750 words you can check your stats, and it runs some primitive counting programs on the text and you get to see that you're "concerned about religion" or feeling mostly "introverted." That sort of thing. But I noticed this uptick in Us and Them today, because it's never happened before.

Maybe by virtue of the dreams? We (C and I) were trying to get to Rome to fly back to the states, except we were already in the Bronx, then Brewster, and They (Uncle Pino and my Dad) kept thwarting our plans. Us and Them. Over and over and over again, thank you James Murphy.

So much to do. Trying to see the obligations as blessings not burdens. I'll let you know how that goes...

Take 2

2011-02-09T09:32:00.002-05:00

on the "productive day" idea. Yesterday was a tough one. Sitting there refreshing email for hours at a time, frozen. I did a bit of transcription, which I will not attempt to paste here, and did a little student work. But besides that it was a silent sort of day. The deep dish pizza was in the B range; the whole wheat made it a little more dense than you want out of a thick slice. But it was pretty ok all the same, even though C bought reduced-fat cheese, which, C, if you are reading this, is an abomination.

Off to New Jersey Transit before too long, but I wanted to say something for my loyal readers, check in, keep the ball rolling. What's the plan for the day? Finish student work, dissertate, teach. And then tomorrow I am setting up the gear and PLAYING. I must must must, or I am going to get thrown off the horse, so to speak.

It's sunny out! This bodes well.

I have become obsessed

2011-02-08T10:17:00.002-05:00

with checking my stats on blogger. 39 views yesterday! Who could it be? Hi there, how are you? Say hi sometime, that would be fun.

Big day today. I worked on the transcription to Port Rhombus yesterday, which I will attempt to paste here:

Okay, it "worked," but it was HUGE. So you'll have to hold your horses in terms of seeing that SICK drum programming in traditional Western Art Music notation. Trust me, though, it's bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Transcribing it at 33 and at 45. Right now I'm working on 45, and making the jump to 33 should be pretty trivial, just a different key signature and tempo. But still, it will be worthwhile to do and show. Can't shake the feeling, though, that it's kind of stupid. Alas. That's sort of how I feel about the whole project, to be honest, but I am going on faith here and anyway such self-scrutiny doesn't work inside the rabbit hole, which is where I live.

I wish I could write out a rabbit sound. I keep thinking "ribbit," but that's a frog sound.

ribbit,

A strange difference of opinion...

2011-02-07T09:30:00.002-05:00

...with my father. Not over politics or that sort of thing. Over the Black Eyed Peas' Superbowl performance. I thought it was abysmal, but he, surprisingly, was on their side. I called him for moral support after the halftime show, and got the opposite. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

Time for some aggressive dissertating. And some teaching prep. But mostly aggressive dissertating, on the train and wherever I find myself once I've reached my destination. Coffee shop? Or "tea" shop, since coffee is over for me? We'll soon see.

So good...

2011-02-06T13:07:00.001-05:00

...this new James Blake. It's here temporarily; go now!

Taking Aim at the Rabbit Hole

2011-02-06T10:39:00.002-05:00

By which I mean, planning on losing myself in work for the next month. Meeting on Mar 2 with The Exchange, the big composition, intact and ready for critique. Turning over The Sonic Object, the big paper, on or around the same day. Which means I have to get moving. Today is for mapping samples and transcribing and writing vignettes in the new division of the paper. It's so easy to drop musical examples into text! This pleases me. And it looks pretty sexy, too.

So expect lots of progress reports here, the occasional freakout, and hopefully a celebratory tone by the beginning of next month. In like a lion.

Oh, and also...

2011-02-05T09:59:00.000-05:00

...I discovered how to check my stats. Who in the Netherlands is reading this! Hello there!

Transcriptions

2011-02-05T09:57:00.001-05:00

now live inside the document. This is quite the innovation, and definitely helps out the page count.

Things are looking up.

Just to clarify,

2011-02-04T16:48:00.004-05:00

this time, from 2PM-6PM on Fridays, is for dissertating, not blogging. Just to clarify.

Good morning.

2011-02-04T08:31:00.002-05:00

Good because of good news yesterday and good conversation with C about this good news. Good. That has stopped looking like a real word. Good good good. Strange.

Four hours of writing today, from 2-6. Until then, working on The Big Composition, heretofore referred to by its working title, The Exchange. The big question of the day is how to map the hundreds of samples I made on my trip. Keep using chromatics? Probably I'll do the really beat-driven ones the same way, ascending chromatics C-B. The others are anyone's guess. I should probably go and get into it.

Have a pleasant day,

It's working.

2011-02-03T09:05:00.002-05:00

All the writing I mean. Here and at 750words. Momentum is so great as to compel actual work on my dissertation. This is cause for celebration. Even exclamation points! I will carve out some time to work on the diss every morning, as if I'm excited about it, inspired by it, as if I am working on something critical and creative and all of that. Fake it 'til you make it, as they say. But I'm not really faking it. I'm actually excited by this crazy project, and I'm trying hard to make it my own, to invest in it. Hopefully when it's done that will come across.

Very Important Phone Call to make a bit later. And another Very Important Phone Call coming in a little after that. Charge all phones.

And now, on to The Sonic Object: Music In/As Material. I am writing about my class from last semester, and my brother-in-law. And here...we...GO!

Sometimes...

2011-02-02T17:04:00.003-05:00

...it happens quickly. Applying for a job I mean. Have I become complacent? This was a record. Search-and-replace on the train, PDF and upload at the "student union," and now we wait. Some more. Again.

Prospects abound, but so far they're only prospects and some of them don't beat my pre-PhD salary by much. Those of you who know what I did pre-PhD can fully appreciate the mathematics.

The big return to blogging was supposed to build momentum for working on my Big Projects, but thus far it's only serving as a way to push off starting said Big Projects. Reentry is the hardest thing, though, and it's been awhile since I wrote. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I'd actually written more than I remembered, so that's positive. I almost started some transcriptions today and then I thought it would be a better use of my time to prep for lunch.

"Cooking is never a waste of time, right?" I asked C.

"No."

But she might be slightly self-interested, since she gets to eat after I procrastinate. It was good, though, I will admit it. Stir frying the rice = secret weapon.

2:15 until the kids arrive and the teaching begins. White Stripes are on the playlist tonight, in honor of their breakup. Which tune? Hard to say.

And until then, what? Dissertating? I'll let you know. Another nail biter of an ending.

Day 3

2011-02-02T08:22:00.003-05:00

of blogging about nothing in particular. Still it feels good to do. Breaking the freeze, effecting a thaw, insert metaphor here.

Cars are spinning out on the street below my window. I'm debating spending too much for orange juice, cereal, tofu at D'Agostino. But I will not buy nine dollar eggs. One has to draw the line somewhere. And it's easy to draw the line at eggs when you already have some. And we do, we do.

So...let's get these projects done, shall we? Slow and steady, fine. But do something today. Jet lag as an excuse only goes so far.

I've been spending a lot of time with the concert video I found here. It's a great thing and I heartily recommend spending the months and months it took to get a working download. It finally worked at the Mandeville Hotel in Marylebone, London, UK. Their internet is better than ours, it would seem.

Just blast through the current obligations, because there are blue skies ahead...

I will give a full report. Sorry for the nail biter of an ending.

xo,

Snowmageddon/Icepocalypse less impressive than advertised

2011-02-01T10:08:00.002-05:00

New York is FINE. Why was C's flight canceled? I suppose there's still time for natural disaster of some kind. This is not a complaint. Also I feel like writing it down basically guarantees a huge winter storm, beginning shortly after I click on "publish post." Because I have that kind of power, or reverse power. Or inverse/converse power. I can never sort those out properly.

Alright, Big Project(s). It is time to tackle you(s). I will likely be back.

Why I am blogging again,

2011-01-31T15:51:00.004-05:00

should there be any interest: I have to finish Something Big. Actually two big things. No, three. Depending on when you start counting. In any event, I feel like writing but working on Something Big seems daunting, so here I am working on something small. To get the words out.

The Something Big, one of the Big Somethings, to which I am referring here is a kind of meditation on listening to records. But that's not all! That's only the beginning. The records set up the metaphor that the rest of the piece spins out. Get it?

I'll probably blog again in ten minutes, but for now, on to looking out the window.

Also,

2011-01-31T15:47:00.002-05:00

I forgot to mention my insane jet lag. I have jet lag. It is insane.

Thaw

2011-01-31T15:29:00.003-05:00

It's been a long time. Miss me much? I was over at radiohead.com and became inspired to start blogging again. I'll just pretend I'm a superstar and the world will catch up, right? Though superstardom isn't even the dream anymore, now it's more a basement and a guest room in Vermont. (Also the rest of the house, I'm just describing the more frivolous parts. Though what could be frivolous about setting up all the gear in the basement? Or having our family to stay and see the baby, who we'll be meeting in May?)

Tonight's playlist: "Holidays in the Sun" and "Yes Sir I Can Boogie." For, you know, educational purposes.

It's good to be back. Love to anyone reading this.

-A

pain in the neck

2009-10-13T10:02:00.003-04:00

quite literally. from sleeping the wrong way. BUT, that aside, it is a glorious day so far. finished grading assignments on the train, even had a minute to work on the piece, which I hate less than I did last night. AND got a fat check from aetna in my mailbox upon arriving at the music building. things are looking up.

much to do, as I've alluded to in probably every post since I got back to ny. funding/composing/memoiring/teaching, each with multiple subcategories. I am on schedule, pretty much, but about to fall off at any moment. tellingly, I forgot to put "dissertating" on the list. but that's important. and I'm doing that too. slowly.

I like memory tapes.

beats beats beats

2009-10-12T13:33:00.003-04:00

everywhere. taken from the rhythm of the voice. it works as follows: chop up the utterances at every silence, no matter how brief. pitch-match, loosely, with a digital synth. then double the synth pops with analog drum sounds. bada boodoo bada. boo boo BOP. I don't know if this is going to work, but it's more than enough to occupy my attention at the moment.

much to do today, and energy enough to do it. blasting through. and using aggressive language, both here and in my head.

daily blogging is going down the toilet

2009-10-11T19:50:00.002-04:00

rapidly.

but I am hanging on.

working working working on the pieces. chopping up words and tossing them around.

too tired for more, or for complete sentences. more tomorrow.

temptation

2009-10-09T17:26:00.002-04:00

is to just start skipping days like crazy, now that I missed wednesday.

but here I am, again.

I started from scratch on the pieces, which I probably mentioned. made a pristine recording of the spoken text yesterday in the princeton studio and I've been working small small small, but I am once again totally unsure about the direction. I think it's worth the search and worth the effort, because if I get it right it will be something.

c is in town! even though she ditched me. the ditching is only temporary, though. she's doing Important Things, anyway.

so. much. to. do. it's a little freaky. and yet I find time to take a nap. zzzz.

missed a day!

2009-10-08T10:18:00.003-04:00

I missed yesterday! oh man! so ends the streak. it was sort of a crappy day, in truth, so I'm not entirely surprised that I forgot to blog.

many interesting and exciting developments since tuesday, oct 6: I cut my run short yesterday due to various body pains, messed up on brewing my coffee and had to throw the batch away, and had a lesson with d during which he pronounced my new pieces not up to snuff. also, I am teaching music theory, in an interesting turn of events.

today is looking up, however. met s on the train and we're going to record my reading of the pieces TODAY through a nice mic and preamp, so that will be a good thing to work with for version 2.0. got some things done during the commute. and I'm excited to start teaching today. I meet my students in a few hours. not that I have a plan for the lesson or anything...

a writing practice

2009-10-06T08:49:00.002-04:00

we talked at my first gotham class about the importance of establishing a writing practice. I think that's what you're witnessing, folks, the everyday overshare. the problem lately is that this is the only writing I do. besides, of course, work on the three pieces that I've already posted about at length.

the big question for me is whether or not I need to apply this "writing practice" idea to composition as well. I've never been able to do so successfully, it's always fits and starts, feast or famine. of course this makes me wonder whether or not I'm a "real" composer. funny I never have that anxiety over writing words. I know it's something I do. always. whereas composition seems more like a sometimes affair. torrid though it may be.

I've been worrying about this for a long time now, and probably will continue to worry about it for a long time to come. there isn't time for worry, though, so I suppose I will at best let it go and at worst bury it.

princeton for the next three days. tomorrow I show d the pieces; I'm excited and nervous about this. mostly just excited. I will report back on what he says, of course.

c on thursday!

a difficult 3.38

2009-10-05T12:16:00.002-04:00

but I did it, despite the aches and pains. mpp was helpful, though it gets a little abrasive when you're already wincing from quad or calf pain or whatever.

sitting at the apt with j looking into funding for next year. not yet scared, but not entirely comfortable either. I feel like I felt when I was going through dusted's label index...great promise, but we all know how the "get young lions on a label" enterprise fared. alas.

the writing class starts tonight! I hope it's good. I am eager to get working again; I've taken an extended break. so let's take stock: memoir, dissertation, funding for next year, composition, band, writing center. it seems a little crazy. but it can be done! yes! indeed!

the new austerity

2009-10-04T11:25:00.002-04:00

in terms of budget, begins today. also in terms of diet. I will become a machine, a lean, money-saving machine. here goes.

I am, though, meeting a friend for tea later. but notice it's "tea," not "drinks" or "dinner." because I am a lean, money-saving machine.

it's been awhile since I worked on the book. but that's all about to change, since my gotham class starts tomorrow night. I'm excited to get working again, and grateful to be boxed-in by imperatives to produce. dissertation, composition, memoir. one or the other or the other or all three, every day, forever. ish.

gotta run

2009-10-03T11:42:00.002-04:00

up to the bronx, to meet my parents for lunch. it's uncle p's birthday, too, so maybe I'll get to see him as well...

much to do. I can't believe my week of not traveling to princeton is at its midpoint already. and I've basically spent all my time on these little pieces. I think they're getting better, but I still have major questions about whether or not I've gone insane and utterly lost perspective.

that is all for now. I'm out the door.

3.

2009-10-02T09:46:00.002-04:00

now there are three. this is exciting. played them for m and he wasn't terribly offended, which I thought was a promising response, or non-response. I am going to write very little because I am loading the pieces and powering up the monitor system as we speak. today: EQ. maybe. it worked on piece #3, I started hearing something that I liked and boosted it and it really made the piece a lot better. so on to more of the same.

that is all.

2?

2009-10-01T10:21:00.002-04:00

that's right, 2. though 2? is a more appropriate symbolic rendering of the pieces as they stand. I don't know that I've ever been so unsure as to whether I'd done something good or something very, very bad. it's kind of stressing me out, actually. makes me look at my whole life as the sum of making things that may be good or very very bad, and wonder what the point is. existential crisis aside, I am going to start yet another one today, 3 being the magic number. and then I'm going to suck it up and get some lessons from the faculty, and hope they don't kick me out of the program.

oh, as for what the second one is like: it's a story about my grandfather giving me a cooking lesson shortly before he died, and the way I blamed myself for his death, since the lesson is what, to my mind, wore him out. I chopped the speech into phrases, as usual, then time-stretched each phrase so it lasted the duration of the whole story, then masked the terrible sound of liiiiiiiinnnnnnggggggguuuuuuuuiiiiiiiinnnnnnnneeeeeeee by running it through a variety of plug-ins, the spectral gate being the most notable of the half-dozen or so. so it sounds like ghostly little hiccups which develop into a more dense, elegiac kind of thing by the end of the piece.

and now onto the third. which one? maybe risotto. I need a celebratory tone for the ending. and that is all for now. I will report back tomorrow on the status of the 3-part piece.

3.3821

2009-09-30T09:52:00.002-04:00

miles, according to gmaps pedometer. which is very useful, I might add. I even stretched afterward.

sorry for the lame post yesterday, I was on a roll. in brief, I'm trying to bridge a gap in my own work between music and text. so I read something from the memoir that sort of stands alone into a microphone and recorded this "performance," after a few tries of mispronouncing words and holding my breath. then I started messing with it, running it through all kinds of plug-ins in logic (software) until I could bury the voice and bring out the pitches and rhythms in the abstract. then I made some loops out of the shorter phrases and tried to pitch-match within the loops, singing little "oohs" and then processing the crap out of those, as well. so now I have this weird little sound poem.

OH, and beats. I made a beat by playing off the speech-rhythm using a software drum machine. the result is something very strange but for which I have an affection.

so today: work more on that, more diss research, back to the BOOK please. actually I am in NY for a whole week, so can take a longer view of my work, finally, instead of just timing the whole of it around weekend trips and train rides to princeton.

memoir class starts monday! and not a minute too soon, since I've really been slacking on the book. once that is going I should have enough obligations that I actually do all of the things I set out to do.

no time to write, I'm writing!

2009-09-29T12:02:00.001-04:00

actually I'm singing. SINGING, of all things. I'm working on a new thing. it involved recording myself speaking. and apparently, singing.

that is all. more to come. it's a beautiful day.

I may have messed up my run

2009-09-28T09:48:00.002-04:00

because there was so much construction down at battery park city that I assumed I'd gone very far, but then I checked out gmaps and thought maybe I hadn't gone very far, so maybe stopping where I stopped shorted me of my 3 mile goal. the idea of it has gotten me in a bad mood.

but not that bad, because breakfast was inspired. I sauteed jalapenos and garlic, added some black beans, added some spinach, cracked two eggs over the top, added pepper jack and cilantro, and slid the whole mess onto a roll with smashed avocado. it was *really* delicious.

making a plan for the day. make apartment look awesome is the background mission, always, so I'm not sure how that will play out today. I'd like to finish the book I'm reading for my dissertation, which is very far out and may not ultimately be super useful. but I've started it so I'm finishing it. I expect that this attitude will not persist much longer.

oh, and the book I'm WRITING as opposed to READING...yes, maybe there will be time for that today, too. I am hoping so.

au revoir.

nj transit up one umbrella

2009-09-27T08:57:00.002-04:00

because I left it on the train. it felt like a defeat, so early in the morning and before a cup of coffee. also, c bought us matching umbrellas one rainy ny weekend and now I feel like a bad husband for losing half the set. c, are we cool or what?

read about engaging with secondary sources today to prepare for my writing center fellowship, and realized I identified more with the hypothetical student who finds the whole enterprise arbitrary and useless. this is not a welcome realization for someone ostensibly writing a dissertation. I will overcome my suspicions of the entire academic project, by writing something Awesome and Important.

I feel good about the total saturation with writing that I've inadvertently arranged for myself: dissertation, memoir, writing center, writing group, gotham workshop. of course I immediately become self-conscious that I haven't effected the same kind of supersaturation with music in quite some time. disciplinary anxiety.

time to read about the palazzo della ragione, for purposes of training. how was "everyone's" weekend?

new jersey transit and the kindness of strangers

2009-09-26T09:39:00.002-04:00

many of us arrived at the princeton junction station this morning and realized we'd be waiting over an hour for the shuttle. full disclosure: I knew this already, but no one else seemed to, so I joined in. I found four compatriots and we pooled resources and took a car to campus, which got me here a full hour earlier than I expected. so I had breakfast. I asked for two eggs and cheese on a hard roll. I meant two eggs, not two sandwiches, but he made me two sandwiches. so as of 9AM I had consumed four eggs and two rolls and some cheese and some salt and some pepper. miscommunications conspire to fatten me.

today I train, tomorrow I train. I'm talking about my writing center fellowship, not some triathlon or other physical endeavor. though I am happy to report that I did ANOTHER three miler yesterday, and will do the same on monday, wednesday, friday of next week.

oh yeah, phoenix! it was a good show. I was expecting some kind of religious conversion based on things I'd heard about their live show. no conversion, but it was definitely really good. that's really all. I am full.

another 3 miler!

2009-09-25T11:32:00.002-04:00

ok, so I know it's not THAT big a deal, and not THAT far a distance, but I am excited about it. so there.

and now, laundry. and then, reading. and then, PHOENIX IN THE PARK. things are looking up.

weekend reconstruction

2009-09-24T10:13:00.002-04:00

well, we did it. m and d and I sat there and watched videos and looked at photos and generally got the details straight for martin luther king weekend 2005. it was less destructive than I thought it would be. I wasn't so bonkers as I thought, despite the drugs and madness. which is not to say I was *normal*. regardless, it was a positive thing to have done for the sake of the book.

did some reading and note-taking for the dissertation, in a coffee shop that changed locations on me and which I could therefore barely find. but find it I did. it now looks like something out of casablanca, and I put my laptop on a table with a tablecloth. which was weird. nonetheless, I read the beginning of a book in which the author rails against audiophile culture and makes various extreme claims. definitely a provocative thing. more on this soon.

also considered the future of young lions, wrote m a long awkward message about the whole thing. we'll see what he says.

today? back to princeton for a colloq with deerhoof's greg saunier, then dinner afterward. I'm looking forward to it, for sure.

3 miles!

2009-09-23T10:54:00.002-04:00

it's probably been that many years since I ran that far.

I am pleased.

and sweating.

I am hoping that time warner shows up

2009-09-23T08:35:00.002-04:00

to connect me to the internet. which is nice, because we've been stealing from a neighbor and her signal is fickle.

saw janus at princeton last night. good show. dan trueman's piece was kind of incredible. he happens to be my dissertation advisor. I have good taste in professors.

tonight in queens begins the grand reconstruction of martin luther king weekend 2005, a crucial piece of my book. looking forward to it, mostly, but a little nervous as well. long story, for those who have no idea what I'm talking about. the flitch, by the way, had been swipped.

today I will be so productive it will become the stuff of legends.

grand reorganization

2009-09-22T08:38:00.003-04:00

is underway, in preparation for the arrival of the vacuum cleaner parts. piles of paper everywhere, but now instead of random piles they are organized piles, which will soon be placed in a hanging file box with appropriate labels. more piles of paper being shuffled around, then I catch the train to princeton for a very full day.

talked to m on the phone yesterday for purposes of reconstructing a certain Bonkers Weekend, a place where I got stuck in the memoir. we have complete video and photo documentary evidence, everything date-and-time stamped, so the piecing together of What Actually Happened should be relatively painless. and it makes me feel like a detective, which is fun.

that sounds like a horse outside the window...is that possible?

maybe/maybe not. it doesn't affect my pile-moving project, which begins anew right now.

according to the city clerk,

2009-09-21T12:11:00.001-04:00

we're married! yesss...

141 worth street

2009-09-21T09:23:00.003-04:00

is where I'm headed. office of the city clerk. 2/3 to park place. with acceptable forms of identification.

and then what? I have no idea. it's a gorgeous day, so maybe something to do with being outside. but working. some kind of working. dissertation? harness the "I want to be a professor" feeling I got from williamstown and get something done? likely I will move piles of paper around in the apartment. there are many piles of paper.

closer call than usual

2009-09-20T22:57:00.003-04:00

by which I mean I remembered at 1057 to post. almost missed the window!

wiliamstown was fantastic. I'm pleased that I had good taste enough to pick the coolest profs to befriend, back when I knew nothing about anything. I think being a professor somewhere will be a really good life. they all seem to be the happiest people I know. not just happy, either. engaged and self-aware, too. I'm inspired to really work hard the next couple years, get everything I can from princeton and then take the academic job market by storm.

the book is getting really hard. things that don't make factual sense that I can't seem to piece together, which stops me in my tracks. I needed to put it away on the train because I was getting frustrated. usually that doesn't happen, usually it's a good experience. hopefully it will resume being a good experience tomorrow.

speaking of, I am going to city hall to make sure that c and I are married. good times. if we're not I'm going to be a little upset, I confess.

my mom's homemade gnocchi with red sauce were really excellent.

and that is all.

up early!

2009-09-19T06:51:00.003-04:00

but soon I will go back to sleep. I first wanted to figure out some details for my trip to williamstown today.

yesterday: fish sauce! I didn't make it. my mom and dad collaborated, though I cut the garlic and peeled a few shrimp. got to meet l's new lady friend. big thumbs up.

did some writing on the train up here (my parents') from the city. I think it's turning out OK. which reminds me to charge my computer. thank you, blog.

my lovely wife is at yosemite with my lovely mother-in-law, which will seriously impact this blog's readership for the weekend.

still a little hazy from wine and strega...I think I'm done here.

1st day of school

2009-09-18T09:50:00.002-04:00

was yesterday, and I did some research on my dissertation, which was novel. I even used some newfangled software at the library and emailed myself around 50 citations. speaking of school, I am going to visit williamstown this weekend, where I spend four formative years writing music and smoking pot. should be fun, minus the pot. and the writing music, for that matter. I'm looking forward to seeing my mentors. I'll be hitting murray's cheese a little bit later so I can present my host, dk, with some tasties. I would bring wine but I don't think I can compete with his cellar, so it's cheese.

made a pretty major decision regarding this rewrite, which I won't go into here. suffice it to say that I've changed chapter one A LOT. the idea of "found text" has been replaced by a straighter through-line. I think it will work better, will be less confusing to the reader. the confusion wasn't doing any work, it was a bug and not a feature.

really looking forward to starting my next music project. little sound-poems after discrete sections in the book. I'll read them aloud, record it, and then create a kind of sonic environment in which the language might live. could be good. could also be lousy. more to come.

wildbirds & peacedrums still fantastic

2009-09-17T10:20:00.002-04:00

a day later, and in a much smaller space. I have to stop myself from going to see them yet again, as I've already blown through the show, drinking, and eating-out budget for september. new york is expensive. it's like I got shot in the wallet and it's been two days. I will now reign it in.

today is the first day of school! princeton starts late, I know. but it's exciting nonetheless. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone, and blasting paul with my new project, and that sort of thing.

I made my coffee too strong today. but it's still tasty. too strong is better than too weak.

I will now try to get some things done before heading out to jersey.

wildbirds, peacedrums

2009-09-16T10:05:00.002-04:00

and deerhoof.

first of all, wildbirds & peacedrums are ridiculous. her voice makes you believe there is a god. almost. I'm going to see them yet again at cakeshop tonight. I usually reserve such obsessive behavior for radiohead.

deerhoof would have been more awesome if I hadn't seen wildbirds & peacedrums first. somehow deerhoof seemed a little...flaccid? by comparison. which, if you've ever seen deerhoof, may strike you as totally absurd. all the more reason to go and see wildbirds & peacedrums.

I love new york. but I miss my wife. and here we stand. more to come after I reassemble this apartment and do some paperwork. and listen to the record I bought last night. guess who?

new leaf

2009-09-15T17:35:00.000-04:00

(I've turned one over. more on that. soon.)

back in new york. I'm not used to humidity. but I'm pretty excited, as if I just moved here.

deerhoof tonight. first a beer of some kind.

more to come, folks. it's the dawn of a new era.

or something.

last day

2009-09-14T09:58:00.002-04:00

in vegas, and much to do. laundry and packing and writing and doing a little bit of cooking for c so she has some nice food in my absence, at least for a little while.

last night a new project was born, over dinner at pin kaow. small pieces out of individual recipes or stories from the book, sound sketches. I tested logic out, recorded myself snapping my fingers at borders and it worked, my first audio recording in the software, oddly enough. do I need to disable the tempo function to make an unmetered, soundscape-y thing? anyone? regardless I am excited about it, and I think I will make an appointment with paul, because this sort of thing would interest him and I would love to have his ear.

that's all for now. next time you hear from me I will likely be at mccarran international airport, about to fly back to new york.

operation cherry tomatoes

2009-09-13T13:18:00.003-04:00

was a complete success. c's expertise at fresh pasta, which I've watched develop over the past months, is almost frightening. so we had fresh spaghetti in a sauce of cherry tomaotoes, white wine, baked zucchini. then we drank beer and watched the soloist. really powerful movie. just in time for my trip back to new york, where I can continue being an asshole and not giving anyone money on the street. it's hard to figure out what to do in such situations. c and I are going to start giving money directly to agencies that work to help the homeless, so I feel less bad when I refuse my change or singles. whenever I have leftover food I give that up, but that's uncommon. and hopefully I'll be eating at restaurants less and cooking at home more, etc. this is what I worry about. I lead a charmed life.

right now I'm sitting in an empty conference room at the CityCenter project office. c is doing some work and I'm keeping her company, intending to write. hence the warmup here. I'm at the point in the narrative where I meet her, just shifted from seeing her on her birthday to making mac&cheese for her one fall day at her new york apartment, which is now our new york apartment, in a bizarre but highly fortunate twist of fate.

I will now update flash player, which means closing my browsers, which concludes this post.

protests

2009-09-12T12:15:00.002-04:00

about the intrusion of government and "violations of the constitution" organized by anti-tax groups. what were these people doing during the war run-ups? it's totally absurd. I can't read the paper or watch the news without getting sick. the last president brought so much blood and death and suffering down upon the planet. the current one wants to give people health insurance. one of these things is not like the other.

anyway.

it's my last weekend in vegas. c is at pilates but will meet me here soon to get started on plotting out the next chapter of her life. it's exciting. I'm trying to squeeze out a few more words, trying to direct the narrative though the contours of the story, trying to ignore the new york times story about the crazies descending on washington. so far so good. not that I've started writing. I have, though, opened the file and selected my writing music (burial). and that's something, right?

major cooking plans for the weekend, thanks to c's stockup at the mario batali restaurants' farmer's market. we have weird little peppers, cherry tomatoes, zucchini, hydroponically grown basil that sort of smells like pot. fresh pasta with some kind of primavera, seitan with the peppers and some onions. stock. we'll be spending a lot of time in the kitchen for our last weekend. which is perfect; it's how we spent much of the summer and how I'd like to remember it.

stone roses reissue

2009-09-11T12:38:00.003-04:00

has blown out my earbuds. on further consideration, blasting mpp in the gym yesterday, to cover the sound of the crappy radio station, probably did it. funny thing about mpp, you can't really tell if your headphones are blown out.

they weren't REALLY arepas

2009-09-11T12:06:00.002-04:00

but they were still good. better to call them "corn cakes" or "tortillitas," to minimize our failure to make a proper dough. still the flavor was out of sight. in order to maximize our oil intake I fried up some petticelle this morning, out of fresh zucchini flowers.

and now I am staring at a new section of the manuscript, trying to find my way back from a little recollection. this tense/time stuff is not easy. seems like it should be, but then you let someone read the thing and they have no idea what's present and what's past and where you are in what order things unfold. I wanted to be further along by now, but I think it's best to struggle and go slowly. pages are overrated. egg and cheese sandwiches on jalapeno bagels are not.

food and writing, food and writing. broken record. soon I'll be posting about my dissertation. I hope. and maybe even music-making. stay tuned.

arepa night at the williamses.

2009-09-10T20:18:00.001-04:00

I bet you thought I wouldn't post today. gotcha.

we watched an arepa throwdown last night, which inspired c to make corn cakes for dinner, off a really nice-looking nyt recipe. we also watched battlestar galactica, so hopefully she won't also decide to wipe out the human race.

writing through luigi's deployments now. hairy stuff. I had a conversation with my parents about it yesterday and we all wound up depressed. super.

I think that's all for today. this is just to say I posted.

really almost forgot

2009-09-09T18:45:00.003-04:00

close call today. I know, I know, it was a nail-biter for all of you, too. this is definitely the latest in the day I've posted. we ran out the door this morning; I couldn't refuse my ride to the coffee shop and then I didn't have internet access and then I was writing and I just forgot.

but now, fearless reader, I am back. chick peas and red sauce on the stove, obama speech set to dv-r, generally on top of things again.

so...

less than a week now until I am back in new york. I need to bang out some good work on the book in these six days. by which I don't necessarily mean lots of words or pages, I just mean good work. perhaps I was confused about the difference earlier in the summer, hence I produced the draft I produced.

also, I put too much salt in the red sauce. it's still within the realm of edible, but I know the deal.

I think that's all. possibly the worst post ever. you're welcome.

great success

2009-09-08T12:32:00.002-04:00

what a meal! 2 meals, actually.

c was able to roll out some spaghetti, which is amazing because it meant that the dough consistency was just right. we've never gotten the dough right enough for spaghetti, but yesterday the stars aligned.

also, we drank a lot of wine. I'm not in great shape. c said she wouldn't hold it against me if I went back to sleep, but there will be no sleep today. because there's only ONE WEEK LEFT in vegas, only one more week of wearing the writer hat exclusively. I'm doing a lot to make sure that I continue the project when school starts up again: gotham class, writing group. but I know it won't be like it is now, whole days devoted to the rewrites, time to think. so, the point is, no naps.

this wine on the brain is weighing me down, though. must. fight. through.

double espresso=big meal prep

2009-09-07T10:38:00.002-04:00

by which I mean that since I drank a double espresso at around 3PM yesterday, I was unable to sleep and therefore got up early and starting prepping for our big meal today.

thus far I've taken the salmon and tuna out of the freezer, sliced the tuna fairly thinly while still frozen, sliced the heirlooms and mozzarella while still cold so they'd make nice easy pieces, started roasting peppers, and washed some green beens, which I will soon trim. and it's only 740. excellent.

talked with m through the manuscript yesterday, and he had helpful things to say. I think I needed the break last night, from thinking about it and working on it, so was thankful for watching duplicity and mad men and eating popcorn and generally getting lost in something else.

on today's menu, to be precise: salmon and tuna carpaccion dressed in good olive oil, lemon, salt and fresh-ground pepper; roasted peppers; an heirloom tomato caprese salad; sauteed green beans; fresh pasta cacio e pepe. I said this already. how is it that I only write three paragraphs a day and still constantly repeat myself?

back to prep, the peppers smell like they're starting to char. which is a good thing.

tomorrow's menu

2009-09-06T11:07:00.002-04:00

it's going to be exciting. c's dad is coming over and we're going buck wild. salmon and tuna carpaccio, an experiment involving freezing the fish, slicing it thinly, pounding it out, and then seasoning it and dressing it with a really nice olive oil and some lemon. mmm. we're also making an heirloom tomato caprese and fresh pasta cacio e pepe and some green beans. OH and roasted peppers, too. he's really into roasted peppers.

I'm at a difficult spot in the rewrite. I think I mentioned this yesterday. and I think it's going to get even more difficult from here forward, for a variety of reasons. I have some creative isolation time today while c gets her hair done, which, if you're a girl, apparently takes 3 hours. not that I' complaining. I'll hit the UNLV coffee bean and drink a ginseng-peppermint iced tea and work. I'm at the point in the story where l leaves for his second deployment, and I want to get that moment just right. after talking with my family I realized that my first draft didn't account for this time correctly, in fact it was patently false. and I am trueifying the work, so that won't do.

still apprehensive about heading back. and still nothing from the demo wave. if something good doesn't happen with these efforts at getting the music out I'm not sure what I'll do. it's not the kind of situation where I can ask the band to sweat it out and take small shows and slowly build it up. no one has the stamina, interest, or time for that. I'm at a loss.

almost forgot AGAIN.

2009-09-05T13:04:00.003-04:00

the whole point of a morning ritual is to do it the same way every day. and yet I still forget to post here, even after writing at least a little something every morning for almost two months.

the rewrite is gathering momentum, though I just got to yet another difficult spot. hopefully I can talk through the draft from which I'm working with m today. he gave the whole thing a careful reading, really liked pages 80-170, and wept at the part where I proposed to c.

we found a great bar downtown last night. all original cocktails, all seven bucks during 4-8 happy hour, all locals. this after photographing the most bizarre strip mall on earth, home of vegas' korea town and alternative sex scene. hopefully c will make something awesome out of the photos. she has ideas and they are exciting.

today we took jaroslav, aka the professor, aka mr poop, to the vet for extractions and all kinds of other stuff. I am not looking forward to seeing him all drugged up and walking sideways and generally getting agitated. but it's for the greater good. possibly we will switch to wet food, since he hates his dry food so much that's he's lost like 20% of his body weight in a year. I am perhaps more excited than I should be at the prospect of shopping for new food for him. probably because I like to buy things. like snow leopard, speaking of cats, which I will install very soon with hopefully zero complications.

that is all. planning on tuna carpaccio for c's dad on monday, along with fresh pasta cacio e pepe, asparagus, roasted peppers.

back to the rewrite. enjoy the holiday weekend, all...

creative isolation, check.

2009-09-04T11:50:00.002-04:00

advantages include: coffee, free wifi (for blogging and occasional breaks) and a big table.

At a crossroads in the rewrite. how this problem resolves itself will be big. BIG, I tell you, for the whole shape of the thing to come.

talked through my mild freakout about going back to school with c last night. I love the program and everything, but I'm a little concerned that I'll have to suspend work on the book. I like the writer hat too much to take it off for long, but I have 2 years left to write a dissertation and a huge piece, on top of everything else.

still nothing from promoters or labels about our demo. this is sort of what I thought would happen, but it's still sad and frustrating. I don't know what will ultimately happen with young lions. something, I hope. it's my responsibility to make it so, and so far I feel like it's been a pretty mediocre effort on my part. we'll see what happens when I'm back east, out of the desert, reunited with the other guys, et cetera.

time to get to rewriting. I will post if anything exciting happens at the coffee bean across from UNLV. right-o.

having a mild existential crisis

2009-09-03T10:57:00.002-04:00

about blogging.

why am I doing this? allegedly it's a writing exercise sort of thing, a way to get the words flowing early in the day. but does a paragraph or two about nothing in particular actually fulfill that function? err on the side of optimism and keep going.

through the prelude in the rewrite process, which has a new addition from later in the book. I'm not sure yet if I like it. trying to see this as an experiment, trying to get out of the mindset that writing something down fixes it in some way, makes something that itself desires permanence. but the writing doesn't care if you chop it up, rearrange it, say it better, cut it from the final draft. I care, the writing doesn't. I am trying to be more like the writing.

not a great cooking week

2009-09-02T10:20:00.002-04:00

first the black beans and now the seitan, which practically dissolved in the broth. it tasted great, so maybe you just have to adjust your textural expectations.

I wrote two paragraphs ALL DAY yesterday. and I was on task, too, besides the nap, the failed seitan, the recumbent bike. the point is that my work is much more focused and slow, unlike the draft that I occasionally flew through. c read what I've got so far and had interesting things to say. it's still not quite there, but I think it's getting closer. I hope it's getting closer.

less than two weeks before I'm back in new york and this summer of ignoring my obligations to the program comes to a close. time management is going to be a real challenge, as will the workload in general. wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't writing a book...but I am.

rewrites begin

2009-09-01T10:20:00.003-04:00

I finally broke the seal. three paragraphs in. I think it's deepening, and I think the language is a bit more elevated and the pace a bit more careful. the strategy, in case I haven't yet mentioned it, is to take the printed ms and rewrite the whole thing in a new blank document. so far it's working out, by which I mean I am engaged and excited. we'll see how much I can get done in the two weeks I have left in vegas.

remember the special meal from yesterday? well I ruined it by forgetting the beans on full boil and burning them. it was very sad. c was sweet and claimed that they tasted fine, but that was not the case. the "white salsa" was good though: hothouse cucumber, green onions, fresh corn, cilantro, lime. next time I'll season it a bit more, I think. the sweetness of the corn overpowered everything.

we made an excel budget for the next six months and are in the black, despite having two apartments and ridiculous expenses. it inspired us, however, to skip the $50/person restaurant week menu at aureole. instead I am making seitan (from scratch) with peppers and onions over some kind of whole wheat bread product. mmm.

m finished the manuscript, so I am eagerly awaiting some feedback, despite having torn apart that whole draft.

2 weeks. here goes.

almost forgot

2009-08-31T14:17:00.002-04:00

to write here today. have I entitled a post "almost forgot" before? I'm running out of material. especially since I've been here every day for a month and a half, or even more? can't remember, don't feel like checking.

tonight there will be a new mexicanish dish on the menu, which I will not describe here because C might be reading. then again, I don't want there to be some kind of aura surrounding this meal, because really it's not THAT special. I'll report back tomorrow if it's worth it.

I think I'm ready to begin rewriting. sat and strategized a little bit today, over coffee and a good grains bagel with peanut butter, which I proceeded to burn off on the recumbent bike while listening to the antlers. I love their record, I really do. and I realize that I hate writing critiques of albums, since that's about all I want to say about it. I will now check out wild beasts, which earned a 'best new music' on pitchfork today.

I am having one of those existential moments about this blog. I really thought it would ramp up to something interesting, but so far it hasn't. alas.

thank you m&m

2009-08-30T11:51:00.003-04:00

for the national tix. the band was absolutely brilliant. transcendent. on top of that I got to spend a little time with old friends over giant margaritas before the show. all in all, a winning evening.

two casualties this weekend: work on the book and adherence to a strict animal-product-free diet. I've been assaulted by fun things to do and cheese and smoked trout dip. could be worse, I know.

surprise gathering

2009-08-29T15:34:00.004-04:00

of college friends at el cholo in santa monica tonight, where I will see t (or "n") after many years. weirdly coincidentally, c's mom lives a literal stone's throw away from the restaurant. stars align. or whatever.

we saw gang gang at the troubador last night. the good parts were good. how's that for tautological? the proportions, though, were really out of whack. you could tell they enjoyed the weird improv-y stuff they were doing for long swaths of time, but I didn't find it all that interesting and my attention wandered. when it would coalesce around an actual song, though, it was solid. also, if you're familiar with their records, which I am, the experience must be decidedly different from seeing it for the first time. there's a pallete of samples and licks and such that you can pick up on during the freer sections which telegraphs where they're going to go. those were some of my favorite moments...picking up weird snatches of tunes, foreshadowings.

yesterday I worked for a long time on the manuscript reimagining. attached dates to all the text I wrote years ago, so I could see the exact chronology, put all the recipes in chronological order so I could see how that sort of layout would work. it feels like I'm working on the deep structure in some subliminal mind space; I know things are moving and reshuffling and such but I still can't see how it will all come together, though I'm confident that it will.

still nothing

2009-08-28T12:11:00.002-04:00

from the wave of demos. it's disheartening, though truthfully I knew our chances were slim.

working through the MS and making tons of notes and thinking it through. talked to c about it last night for a really long time. she is the best. who else would talk to me for hours about my project, without feeling like I was a self-absorbed wanker? I am lucky. she's also likely the only person reading this, so I will speak to her directly: thank you for being great.

off to LA this weekend for gang gang and the national. not at the same time. it's going to be fab.

and now I am back to that subliminal space in which I know things are changing and moving, without actually putting words on the page. that is all.